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Wednesday, April 16, 2008


(Check out my author website at
www.galechesterwhittington.com for free short stories, poems and book excerpts)


Rumor on a Queer Ledger
Humor with a Gay Edger
A Legend in my own Grime
===Copyright 2004-2008===

April 12,2008
I’m shocked and disappointed that Michael Johns was sent home on American Idol. Unbelievable! Not since Jennifer Hudson has such a dreadful mistake been made.

April 9, 2008
Idol talk: Michael Johns blew me away again with “Dream On,” even though Randy didn’t like it, for some unfathomable reason.

Jason Castro wowed me with his totally unique take of “Over the Rainblow.”

I loved Carly Smithson’s performance, but didn’t understand a word.

Carly, step it up to songs that take you into a loud and bluesy world, like Janis Joplin’s “Ball and Chain.” You heard me! You can do it!

David Archuleta did good, but I think Michael Johns proved to be best, once again! Come on, David, choose songs that are big and noisy!
April 4, 2008
Gotta love Morgan Living-Legend Fairchild’s entrance on Wednesday’s new Men in Trees. It was like she’s making a comeback, fresh from the skin doctor, but looking great, I must admit.

All I have to say about American Idol is it was a fun show with Dolly Living-Legend Parton. Michael Johns knocked my socks off with “It’s all Wrong but it’s All Right.” Also good, like butter even, was my other fav, David Archuleta, although I couldn’t understand all the words to his song, something about Jesus. Also of note was Carly Smithson”s “Here You Come Again,” and David Cook’s “Little Sparrow.” I also liked Jason Castro doing “Travelin.’” I vote for all of the aforementioned, maybe Michael Johns a little more.

I finally watched Dancing With the Stars and freaked out when I saw Priscilla Presley. Somebody needs to tell her the dermatologist went a little overboard in the cheek injection department. On the plus side, in case of an accident, those cheeks could be used as flotation devices, keeping her nose above water.
March 30, 2008
Well, the surge is finally working. After being chased out of Bagdad, the “enemy” has regrouped and is now hitting the Green Zone with rockets from beyond the concrete walls. Horror fiction is not this grim. I’ll say it again. One does not tell the enemy what you’re going to do before you do it. Giving notice allows them to organize. I’m talking to you, President George W. Bush, and you’re not listening . . . as usual. Thank God, your reign is soon coming to an end.
March 26,2007
David Cook won Tuesday night’s American Idol hands down, with his unique take on Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean.” I agree with Simon. Brilliant! He even put my usual fav, David Archuleta, to shame.

I’ve got good news and bad. The good is the squirrel and her babies left my attic. The bad news is red wasps chased them out.

The weather has been delightful. Many plants are sprouting or blooming a good month early. And so are the weeds; I need to get busy with that, but I’ve been tied up adding exquisite photos of my flowers to my new website,
March 19, 2008
Brilliant! Is the only way to describe Barack Obama’s hijacking the presidential “race” yesterday with his speech. The networks devoted huge amounts of time to it, even to the point of hosting panel discussions after the address.

I’ve been thinking about the mixed race thing for some time now. The planet’s survival will be assured by those of mixed race, as they are vigorous, sensitive and empathetic. It’s only natural. The fact that a hell of a lot of them are beautiful is simply a nice plus. I mean, look around. Vanessa Williams is one. So is Beyonce, and a dozen more celebrities. Keep your eyes and ears open. There’s a whole generation of mixed race people out there ready to change the world. All I have to say is “Hallelujah!”

I’ve got squirrels in my attic. I just thought I should tell you in case I begin to get agitated, it might explain some things. One of these days, soon, I hope, I’ll drag my black ass up into the attic and trap the little darlings.

Now for my Idol rundown:
Amanda Overmeyer sang out of tune again, so I’m over my feelings for her. I’m still not sure if she’s goth or bohemian or what? She looked better, smiled more. Almost like she just downed a Red Bull, if you know what I mean. And what I mean is antidepressants! ‘cause they often work, at least for awhile. But they can’t make you a better singer! You know what I mean? Case closed!

My man, David Archuleta, reigned supreme again, his voice sounding like a crystal clear sun-dappled creek flowing over moss-covered rocks and into a lake in Evergreen, Colorado. Smooth!

“Day Tripper,” sung by David Cook was good, but not smooth enough to beat the Archuleta King.

Have you noticed?? There are too many Davids, Brookes, and Cooks in this contest, making it confusing.

Michael Johns was good but not good enough.

Carly Smithson, who sang “Blackbird,” was kind of dull this time. And what the deal was that dress? It looked like an Amy Winehouse reject!

Jason Castro, who is very cute, did “Michele” in a smooth, sleek style, but I’m still holding out for David Archuleta.

Syesha Mercado “Yesterday” a really sad reality-jarring song that I love, but didn’t quite feel. Maybe because she’s a child singing a song about growing old. Syesha, don’t get me wrong. I like you, I really do, but my heart belongs to David Archuleta, even if it makes me seem like a dirty old man. I paid my dues. Big time! You heard me! Go read my bio!

Brooke White, who sang “Let it Be” last week, this week did “Here Comes the Sun.” This week, not so good.

Kristy Cook was off tune, her hairpiece a deflated Amy Winehouse reject. Check the “No” box.

Chikezie sang “I’ve Just Seen a Face” right after I had been trying figure out who he reminded me of. He sang well, but I didn’t really care for it. Sorry!

Ramiele Malubay did “I Shoulda Known Better.” Okay but not fabulous.

So that’s it for Idol! Good luck to all, especially David Archuleta!

March 15, 2009
I’ve been busy like a child with a new toy. Eight years ago, I planted thousands of daffodils around my 15 acre country plot, along with pansies, violas, and Johnny Jump Ups. The latter are gone but the daffodils have thrived. So, I’ve been taking pictures with my new camera and posting them on my other website. Check them out starting here:
www.FreeFishCareTips.com/photos8 It’s free and the flowers are stunning!

Idol Watch: my favorite of the women is currently Carly Smithson, who sang the Beatles’ “Come Together.” I still favor David Archuleta in spite of his sad showing Wednesday and am sorely disappointed that David Hernandez got voted off.

Fox’s The Return of Jezebel James, aired back to back Friday night, was funny as hell. I highly recommend it.

Question of the Day: Are facials politically incorrect? For both Democrats and Republicans?

AmneSia, or however you spell it, ran too slow for me, so I give it 3 weeks before it dies of cancellation. The show was produced by somebody named Weiner, ain’t that a betch? And Dennis Miller as the host? I thought he was above this sort of thing. Didn’t he used to be a communist? That was a joke. He looked like he was having the DT’s. That’s not a joke.


March 6, 2008
Nice to see Wanda Sykes again now that The New Adventures of Old Christine is back with new, interesting episodes. Oh, yeah. Good to see Julia Louis-Dreyfus, too.

People reports that Amy Winehouse has an infectious skin disease called “impetigo.” It causes “pimple-like sores that are highly contagious.” My position as a fan is beginning to fade. Yucko!

The girls on American Idol weren’t as good as the guys. I’m back to Amanda Overmeyer as best of the ladies. Overall, I’m rooting for David Archuleta, but would be just as satisfied with bad-boy David Hernandez. After all, every man my age could use a lap dance!

February 29, 2008
Is anyone else watching the Logo Channel’s Transamerican Love Story? My bet is they reveal at the end that all, not just some, of the guys, are transgendered female to male. It’s a good series.

Best Comeback Ever Dept: On Eli Stone—“Your ex is a lesbian?” Answer: “Who isn’t, these days?”

Smithson torched Heart’s “Crazy on You.” Natch, I identified. We’ll cry tomorrow, though. I’ve gotta watch the all-woman American Idol right now. I’ll get back to you later, alley gator.

Shaysha Mercado belted out that “Mrs. Jones” song and got reprimanded for it unfairly by Randy and Simon, I do believe.

Kristy Lee Cook did justice to Linda Ronstadt’s “You’re No Good.” Plus she’s real pretty. Too pretty? Is there such a thing?

Amanda Overmeyer disappointed me. And that hair! It was like Cruella Lives! Scary! The people who helped her into that get-up screwed up big time. Even her clothes were contrived, as Simon said.

Alaina Whitaker did good, too, while Asia’h Epperson is cute but sang off-key. Brooke White sang “Vain” in such a way that did not defame Carly Simon.
All in all, my vote still goes to 17 year-old David Archuleta (“Imagine”).

February 25, 2008
So, I've got this new camera and today I took a photo of my first harbinger of spring, a

crocus in full bloom, so I just had to share: My pictures seem to move every time I post, so I hope you can find them!

Pretty Heirloom Crocus in my front yard Sunday, February 24, 2008

I found the Academy Awards rather bland, but that’s not true of the host, Jon Stewart (The Daily Show), who delivered his lines with extra funny finesse. Even the winners seemed bored with their statues.

When I first saw those ads for Eli Stone where he finds George Michael in his living room, my reaction was, “What? Does Eli Stone live next to a park?”

Okay, I’ve made up my mind. I’ll call the race. I believe it’s going to be David Archuleta (“Shop Around”) on American Idol. I’m also kind of in love with David Hernandez (“Midnight Hour”) and Amanda Overmyer (“Tobacco Road”?).

From last week’s naughty-naughty Torchwood episode: “Have you ever eaten Grogian meat . . . and how was it?” Answer: “Yes and he seemed to enjoy it.”

Another Bette (Midler, not Davis) quote on ET: “Underneath all this (plastic surgery) is a very little old lady!”

Boys II Men reunion on Don’t Forget the Lyrics Thursday proved interesting. They’re old guys already! And I just hit the big 6-0 myself. Where the hell did the time go?


February 18, 2008
Best Line Ever: “This is quite homoerotic,” by hot Captain Jack, from a new Torchwood on BBC Saturday night.

Another Best Line Ever (after being frisked): “You missed a spot,” sayeth the friskee. Replied the frisker, “You can’t miss a place you’ve never been.” From the SciFi Channel’s Firefly, which I happened to see on a fly-bi. You heard me! And now I’m hooked on Nathian Fillian. Whaaat?

Got a new camera, a Kodak C813, which I like just fine, I think. It does video, as well, but I’m still getting the hang of the still pics. I did actually read part of the directions already. Usually, that’s a last resort for me. I accidentally videoed my computer, but no one wants to look at that.

It was nice to see Carol Living-Legend Burnett on Oprah Monday along with Jim Carey and Steve Carell, all doing the voices of characters in the new animated Dr. Seus movie, Horton Hears a Who! Carol’s show was my Saturday night fix during a long, painful childhood. She was my relief valve. Thanks, Carol!

Bette Midler quote on Monday’s ET, about her upcoming Vegas extravaganza, complete with the Harlettes in fish tail, “This is the dirtiest show I’ve ever done.
called the “Bra Whisperer,” after clips showing him upping the esteem of plus-sized women on the Friday night program.

The President appeared on BBC World News on Thursday and said this: “I’m comfortable saying we can’t be too comfortable about the terrorists.” Whaaaat? I’m afraid he still scares me . . . at least for the next ten months.

February 11, 2007
The 50th Grammy Awards was truly fantastic! Ok, I’ll say it­­--fabuloso. That means fun. Did you catch all the giant cheeks under the lights? Too many to count. But, let me see. Cher and Tina Turner obviously had theirs tuned up, but all for the better. They rocked for old ladies!

More Grammy honors: The Foofighters sounded wickedly delicious as they wailed. I had no idea what they said but I did love it! And Aretha wore an apricot/yellow tent awning, but Queens of Souls are allowed to do anything they damned well want to! Carey Underwood was very convincing as a bad girl, with so many extensions her entire back was covered. Don’t get me wrong. She looked hot. It worked!

Remember when I suggested people watch Amy Winehouse? Now she’s an international bad-girl who fought the government for a visa and lost. Seems they didn’t want to issue one to a “criminal.” TV ads said she was going to sing at Sunday’s Grammy Awards, by hook or by crook! Of course, she ended up doing it via satellite. A mild disappointment, but she gave a great performance, anyway.


Last Grammy notes: The tribute to the Beatles with Circus Soleit (sp?) was great. I felt like I was back in the 60s. Loved it!

Friday’s episode of House on Fox was a repeat, I guess, but it was funny as hell and kind of disgusting at the same time. I’m not sure I trust people who cut up bodies for a living. Ya Know.

February 8, 2007
Living-Legend Cher popped up on Good Morning America on Tuesday with a new face, and, guess what? Huge cheeks! Looks like she turned back time and then some!

CSI's episode, “Lying Down with Dogs,” was gross with a capital G. I know that was the point—the dog fighting and people parts were supposed to look real, but it was gross, gross, gross!

NBC’s new comedy, Lipstick Jungle, premiere Thursday night had me rolling on the floor. I hereby award them six stars out of five. Whaaat? The description in my guide made it sound like a rip-off of Ugly Betty but it wasn’t. It stars Brooke Living-Legend Shields. She looked Great without the giant cheeks so popular in Hollywood these days! But I couldn’t believe how, towards the end of the show, the network started hocking their stars’ clothes on its website.
February 6, 2008
Today is my birthday, but please don’t congratulate me, as I just hit the big 6-0. Where did all the time go?

I hate to say it, but I’m hooked on The Moment of Truth (Fox Wednesday). Unfortunately, the show borders on being mean and inaccurate, but I can’t stop watching.

It was fun to see Raquel Welch on the pilot of Welcome to the Captain. She looked fantastic with her new cheeks (facial). I finally figured out that plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills or Hollywood get rid of the stars’ wrinkles by pumping filler into their faces. That’s why the divas are all beginning to look alike, from Joan Rivers to Barry Mannilow. Personally, I think it makes the cheeks look too big.

Aside from some stupid necrophilia jokes, the return of The New Adventures of Old Christine Monday night was laugh out loud hilarious. It seemed a little short on the editing, as if it had been rushed to fruition, but, all in all, it was a triumphant return. Loved the lesbian banter!

February 3, 2008
Exxon just announced they made $45.6 billion, a record for any US company in history. It’s also totally obscene, as the price of gas is the main contributor to our messed-up economy. I can’t believe the politicians let them get away with it.

I’m happy to report the new season of Torchwood (BBC, Saturdays, 8 p.m.) is hotter than ever with more guy on guy kissing, as well as a great story line and plot. If you haven’t seen it yet, you owe it to yourself to check it out.

I’ve decided to endorse Barak Obama because I’m afraid Hillary Clinton would galvanize too many Republicans and Independents to vote against her. I believe a dream ticket would be Barak for President and Hillary for Vice-President. I can’t wait until I can feel good about our wonderful country again.

Rumors abound that the Screen Writers Guild are close to closing a deal with producers, maybe as soon as this week. All I have to say is, “Hallelujah!” The down side is it will take a couple of months for new episodes to be written and produced. In the meantime, we can watch shows we missed the first time around because we were watching something else. So, I guess it’s all good, if not great.

February 1, 2008
I haven’t been posting as often as usual because I’ve been busy setting up a new website. It’s ready to go now, so please check it out.
www.FreeFishCareTips.com It features my expertise from 50 years of raising fish and birds. Plus it has an Ask Gale feature, where you can query me about anything you want. And it’s all free thanks to advertisements.

Bette Living-Legend Midler looked fantastic with her new cheeks on Monday’s Oprah. She said she’s lost 15 pounds getting ready for her February 20 debut of The Showgirl Must Go On, at Caesar’s Palace, where she’s filling Celine’s old spot. Whaaaat? You heard me!

Fox’s The Moment of Truth is way too harsh for me. Maybe some people like to be humiliated in public, but not me, even for money. Come to think of it, I don’t care for it in private, either.

January 26, 2008
Heath Ledger dead at 28, found naked on the floor of his NYC apartment, “surrounded by pills.” Rest in peace, Heath. You did some great things while you were here.

Can’t believe Bill Clinton, first his attacks on Obama and then his falling asleep on camera. He needs to slow down the rhetoric,

Okay, I’ll admit it. It was because of the nudity I started watching the Travel Channel’s Tribal Life about the natives of Bunlap in the South Pacific, but the stories fascinated me so much I couldn’t stop watching the Sunday marathon. The men are handsome and built while the women are mostly ugly and let’s just say, now I know why women wear bras. And I guess gays are everywhere. I swear I saw one bleached blond young man hanging out in the men only section of the village. I noticed him ‘cause he kept looking at the camera! Did anybody else spot him?
January 19, 2008
I watched the Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency again and was not disappointed. More eye-candy and gay drama than before and that was a lot! I must say, however, something Janice does not like to be called: She’s a real bitch and that’s a good thing, Martha, but I couldn’t work for her.

Because I couldn’t find anything good to watch, I was forced to see the Apprentice season premiere, where quasi-celebrities (Amarosa, That Guy from Kiss, etc.) formed two teams, one male, one female, and competed by selling hot dogs! What a rip-off! They were allowed to call their rich friends in to buy the dogs for $5000+. I mean, really, there’s less suspense to Carl Rove’s political agenda.

Is it just me, or is American Idol boring and stupid this season, so far? Ratings are up, so I guess it’s just me.

Reports are making the rounds that a new drug-resistant strain of staff is showing up on gay men in major US cities, much like early skin cancer reports were the harbinger of AIDS. This may be even worse; one can get this infection just hugging or touching. I haven’t had relations with anyone for over ten years, and now, damn it, I may never again. Thank goodness for internet erotica, the safest sex there is.

January 15, 2008
I can’t get enough of that new gay singer/songwriter, Chris Gorneau, who has drop-dead beautiful bright blue eyes. He can be seen hosting Logo’s New/Now/Next video series this week. If you’re reading this, Chris, the answer is “Yes! I will marry you. Just say ‘Yes!’ back and my home in Oklahomo can be our base for when we need to get away from all the madness of fame. Yes, I do have delusions of grandeur. Humor me. Please.

I finally watched Stargate Atlantis and Stargate SG-1, on the SciFi Channel, and found them a touch silly but the first was ripe with eye-candy, especially male. Sometimes that’s all I need to watch a program. Sad, but true. What a world! What a world!

The Golden Globes was certainly a let-down. I don’t understand why producers aren’t talking with the writers. Hey, Guys, ever heard of compromise? If the writers want say, 6%, give them 3%.

Train wreck Courtney Love showed up on Sat’s Graham Norton, on the BBC. She said she used to be on the Mickey Mouse Show. So did every other train wreck diva, so it seems. I know Justin and Britney were, although Justin seems to be doing just fine, busily bringing sexy back and all.

CBS’s Comanche Moon Mon night was disappointing, as in plain boring, to be truthful. I couldn’t watch past the first hour. Of course, that was the same time as a new episode of Brothers and Sisters aired, and that show is always delishush.
January 11, 2008
While watching “Satan: Prince of Darkness,” an episode of Ancient Almanac, on the Discovery Health Channel, I got to thinking something strange. What if God and Satan are the same person, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?

There’s no such thing as too strong, as in men or drugs. Just kidding! Or am I?

The Barak/Hillary race is getting dramatic. Although, when John Kerry announced his endorsement of Obama, I asked myself why; I mean who cares what lackluster John Kerry thinks? Where’s he been hiding, anyway? Did he see his own shadow? You heard me!

Great news from Entertainment Tonight: Carol Living-Legend Burnett is hoping to return to TV via guest appearances. Truth beknown, she looks super for a broad her age. Naturally, she’s not talking about that, as she’s too busy looking forward.

Critics Choice Awards and Peoples Choice Awards sucked equally. And what a cheap gimmick it was for the network to show stars accepting in previous years. Some of the clips were duplicated. What? Did the editor go on strike with the writers? What? Oh, I see, the editor is one of the writers. Or, was. I git it now!
D.L. Hugely, the host of Monday’s VH1 Critics Choice Awards, would have been a lot more loveable if he dropped the macho act. He’s got drop-dead gorgeous looks and I’ve seen him actually be funny. Mainly, it’s all the lynch-type discrimination banter that’s out of vogue.

December 30, 2007
William Sledd, the Ask a Gay Man YouTube star was on a 20/20 rerun Sun night. Please feel free to check out the top Gay YouTube Videos at my main website (
http://www.galechesterwhittington.com/somebodyneedstosayit will take you directly to my YouTube/Blog page). I have a big player there for your convenience and the clips are free, like everything on my site. Please support my advertisers! Thanks, Y’all . . . both of you.

David Letterman and Craig Ferguson are returning next week. Producers of each have made a deal with World Wide Pants, the parent company that owns both shows. Competing night talk shows are set to return without monologues, the only reason I watch, so unless they book a living legend, I won’t be there. Good Luck, Jay and Conan.

Have you seen that insanely rich, bronze, blond surfer god, Laird Hamilton, Alpha male at 44? WooooWeeee! If only he’d do brunch with me. You can watch him on E Channel’s Forbes’ TV20, which will probably be repeated well into the new year, but I’m just guessing, so don’t hate me ‘cause he’s beautiful.

I love The Singing Bee because their house singers are excellent in their own right, not to mention sexy as hell. I wish the producers would let them belt out numbers all the way through. The Fri night show with all those ex-child stars, I’m sorry to report, was just plain sad. I mean, the grown kids are all big, fat, and ugly now. You heard me! Somebody needs to say it!

December 28, 2007
That latest Jenny Craig commercial with Valerie Bertinelli where she cries nearly cracked me up, but then I felt guilty, so stop it, Val, will ya?

Jessica Simpson said on The View this morning she wants a “man, not a boy.” Was that a dig on her ex-hubby, ex-boy band member, Nick Lachey? Not smooth, Jess!

Another Flat Failure for the Bush Administration: ABC News reported Thurs night the United States “orchestrated” slain/martyred Bhutto’s return to Pakistan. When is our government going to stop meddling?????????????

Do you believe what people can say on daytime TV nowadays? I just watched an E Chanel interview wherein a woman said, “I like men with big penises.” She was joking, of course. Or was she? Time to call in the Small Penis Anti-Defamation League!

Jordan Sparks from American Idol showed up on the Kennedy Center Honors with a hot, new look and smooth persona, fully owning her plus size. She paid tribute to Diana Living Legend Ross by doing a torch lit version of “Someday, We’ll Be Together.” Diana herself appeared to be flat out sober. And she looked great, but I was disappointed that she wore her trademark big hair, a thing popular in drag shows waaaay back in the late eighties.

God, I hate this time of year. Huge snowflakes are falling as I write and I can hear your response, “Snow is beautiful!!” So, my reply is, “It’s depressing when you’re a lonely, bitter, crabby, old man. Now, shuddup.”

Dead Ringer Dept: Country Crooner Taylor Swift, who won the Horizon Award at the CMA’s, looks exactly like a drag queen I knew decades ago, in Denver—Causha Lee Victoria. Taylor’s and Causha’s eyes are /were nearly identical. Causha went from Denver royalty to the big time in Vegas playing Marilyn Monroe at the Tropicana’s Boylesque show, all before she passed away from HIV, damn it! And yes, she was a Colorado legend.

December 26, 2007
Enough already with the naked elders on calendars. Just like The Full Monty, they’re all big rip-offs, anyway. They never actually show any any you know what: genitalia. I'm not sure whether to complain or thank them.

A date to remember—Jan 15 . . . an all new American Idol premiers!

Just off the Wire: Fox’s Prison Break will return soon. Those guys are going to die of old age before they figure out they’ve already been in jail for three years. Whatever happened to that delicious map our protagonist hid on his bod? Did it lead to an empty tunnel or dead end?

Here’s an idea for Mad TV or a Saturday Night Live skit: Small Penis Anti-Defamation League. (They say) having a small one is still looked down upon. All to raise awareness, don’t you know.

NBC’s Masters of Illusion was a hoot once I figured out it was supposed to be funny. Owen and whomever his partner is (Sorry!) made a smooth couple, if you ax me.

Another Hoot Dept: The Queen of England giving her annual Christmas speech on YouTube.

Iowa caucuses. Don’t say it out loud three times fast! Anyway, whatever caucuses are, our top three Democratic contenders appear to be neck and neck, with Hilary carrying a 2% edge. Very intriguing!

December 24, 2007
CBS’s In God’s Name turned out to be more interesting than expected. It’s scary what people believe.

You Know You’re Lonely When Dept: you’ve trolled 23 chatrooms on Christmas Eve and you’re the only one there.

BBC’s Under the Greenwood Tree movie grabbed my attention with a host of male eye candy, but kept me watching for the suspense. Not really. I kept watching for the eye candy . . . while praying for a bath scene.

I tried again to watch Duel but frankly, my dear, I don’t give a sssh it about how beetles outnumber us or other inane factoids.

Do You Believe it Dept: Bette Midler is taking Celine Dion’s place at Caesars Palace, with a contract that includes the return of the Harlettes, for 200 shows in 2 years. Break a tail, Miss M!

I finally figured out who the Goo Goo Dolls’ lead singer reminds me of. It’s Chucky! Don’t be offended, man; Chucky was cute as hell.

Who Knew Dept: In the wake of 16 yo Jamie Spears shocking news that she’s preggers, and Mylie’s skyrocket trip to fame out of nowhere, and the meteoric rise of High School Musical no one seems to be asking the question on everyone’s mind: Who knew people actually watched those channels (Nick-at-Night, etc.)?

Why do we like Patti LaBelle? Because she’s as big as she can be. And that’s a good thing, Martha.

I can’t believe Team LaBelle lost to Team Lachey on Clash of the Choirs. Patti was robbed. By a very cute Nick, I must say. I could look at him all day, all night.

Tenille, of the Captain-and, is 67 years old and still singing and yes, bitches, love did keep them together.

Funniest Line Ever Dept: “Let’s spoon. Do you want to be the big spoon or the small one?” on a Comedy Central rerun of Scrubs.

A Holiday Celebration at Ford’s Theatre proved to be booring. I turned the channel after the 40th close-up of George Warmonger Bush. It was all for the best. I found Patti LaBelle!

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